Supporting Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Have you started dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder? Was your partner recently diagnosed with BPD? Do you think your significant other may have a disorder — BPD or maybe even something else? People with BPD often struggle with their romantic relationships. Both partners in the relationship tend to face a unique set of challenges stemming from a personality disorder. Many symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder can trigger sudden changes in emotions and reactions.
Most accurate article on BPD we have read—kudos!
Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding. While the beginnings of a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder might take you to the greatest euphoric heights imaginable, it can also take you to the lowest lows. Knowing what to look for can help you to better maintain a relationship with someone with BPD.
If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in how your symptoms have affected your dating life and romantic relationships.
It’s what Winona Ryder’s character was diagnosed with in Girl: Interrupted. It’s what Jennifer Lawrence may have had in Silver Linings Playbook, in which her character’s specific mental health condition went unnamed. The largely unfair stereotype that has emerged of BPD—partially because of some Hollywood portrayal—is that of a crazed, manic, uncontrollable woman. To learn more about the condition, I spoke to Dr.
Barbara Greenberg: It’s a personality disorder that’s really all about having very intense moods, feeling very unstable in relationships, and seeing the world in black and white—things are either all good or all bad. People with borderline feel empty, and they are always trying to fight off what they perceive as rejection and abandonment, so they see abandonment and rejection where it doesn’t necessarily exist. They’re so afraid of being alone, abandoned, or left, or people breaking up with them, that they sense it where it doesn’t exist and they need tons of reassurance.
I think it’s one of the hardest personality disorders to have. And what’s really unfortunate is that there are males with borderline personality disorder too, but it’s the women who tend to get the label more frequently.
So please bear with me. I met this girl a few months back, we met at work and the moment we saw each other, we just got this vibe. She smiled at me and introduced herself and I knew then and there I wanted to be with her. Over the course of working with her, I would occasionally see her stealing glances at me and trying to catch my attention.
Does someone close to you suffer from borderline personality disorder? Learn how to best help them while taking care of your own needs as well.
Some of the comments hit home because, from an early age, I have had an extremely tempestuous love life, but I also know it can work if both partners learn to understand each other. This is a hard concept to explain to a healthy person, who may have only ever felt something close to this when someone they love passes away, or they lose something they hold dear in their life. People with BPD, even in their happiest periods, experience this pervasive feeling of emptiness almost every day, and often they try and fill this with things that stimulate them.
Personally, the only thing that gives me true happiness is other people, which is why BPD is a cruel illness — because most people who suffer from it are gregarious, true people lovers, but they struggle to maintain close relationships because of their illness. When you finally meet the person who sets your world on fire, it feels incredible. You want to spend every minute of the day with them because you find them so interesting, so much fun, and so enjoyable to be around.
Having such strong emotions make people with BPD incredibly empathetic, and because of this we find it easy to connect with people on an emotional level quickly. When people pull away for any reason, that part of our illness goes into overdrive and this is where the disorder may get its bad name. To understand why our reactions can be so adverse, our partner needs to understand that because of our illness, we think differently in some ways to others.
Are You Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
Those with borderline personality disorder have problems regulating emotional impulses and often experience rocky relationships. But new research suggests that many men find traits associated with borderline personality disorder to be appealing in physically attractive women. The study has been published online in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. The relationship is like a roller coaster where the highs are very high and the lows are very low — this is why people probably stay in these types of relationships, because of the uncertainty and drama.
In two studies, which included English-speaking adults, participants were asked to evaluate the dating appeal of hypothetical individuals.
Symptoms of BPD, including intense anger, can be detrimental to If someone with BPD hurts you, know that they most likely did not intend to.
Millions of readers rely on HelpGuide for free, evidence-based resources to understand and navigate mental health challenges. Please donate today to help us protect, support, and save lives. People with borderline personality disorder BPD tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance.
Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight. But you have more power than you think. You can change the relationship by managing your own reactions, establishing firm limits, and improving communication between you and your loved one. In fact, patients with the most support and stability at home tend to show improvements sooner than those whose relationships are more chaotic and insecure.
Here’s what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author’s own. First, you need to be able to recognize the signs that the person you are dating has BPD. Extreme highs and lows are the hallmark of a relationship with someone who has BPD.
Dating a person with BPD is not part of your deal – or so you thought. Jodi Arias – in my opinion, – a good example of a woman with quiet BPD (she functions.
You might notice these symptoms are all related to relationships—with others and herself. This is not a coincidence. Intense relationships, fraught with conflict, are the hallmark of BPD. Your stable, reassuring presence in the life of someone experiencing BPD can help them get better. Here are some suggestions on how to further provide effective support, straight from people who live with BPD. BPD is not an easy condition to treat, but it is treatable.
Once they are in treatment, learn the language of that program and use it to offer support in times of need. For example: Learn the basics of the four skills of DBT—mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance and emotion regulation—and how you can help your loved one practice them. Someone with BPD may go out of their way to do things for you and make you happy because they want to receive love and affirmation in return.
You can combat this by showing your loved one you appreciate them and the things they do to make you happy.
What It’s Really Like To Date Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
People with borderline personality disorder BPD often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD and for their partners. For example, a person with BPD may be affectionate and doting, but within a few hours, their emotional state may switch. They may feel smothered or overwhelmed. This can lead them to push away the partner they had just been drawing closer.
Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder: ‘I Was the Girlfriend From Hell’ a pattern of unstable relationships that may include idealizing someone in one.
Dating someone with BPD Borderline Personality Disorder is not an impossible task despite what you often read about on the internet. A relationship with a Borderline is highly possible and fun as long as you understand the key principles needed to make BPD relationships work. Nothing beats that. That aura of confidence just sucks guys right in, makes her so much more beautiful. Here are the important factors that you need to know right now so you can begin to implement these in your current and future relationships:.
I know that BPD relationships are complicated. Love is a connection that builds over a long period of time. So why do we do this?
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
While someone with depression or anxiety may feel that they are experiencing symptoms that are different from their normal state, people with personality disorders often fail to realize that their emotions and reactions depart from the typical human experience. People with borderline personality disorder BPD struggle to understand how wives, husbands, friends, and other family members experience their intense reactions, mood swings, and risky behavior.
Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict.
She has a disorder called borderline personality but I never judged her for it, I have problems of my own. We eventually admitted that we liked.
Caring about someone with borderline personality disorder BPD tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. Having BPD is no picnic, either. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time, and in severe cases, on the border between reality and psychosis. Your illness distorts your perceptions, causing antagonistic behavior and making the world a perilous place. The pain and terror of abandonment and feeling unwanted can be so great that suicide feels like a better choice.
If you like drama, excitement, and intensity, enjoy the ride, because things will never be calm. Following a passionate beginning, expect a stormy relationship that includes accusations and anger, jealousy, bullying, control, and breakups due to the insecurity of the person with BPD. Nothing is gray or gradual. For people with BPD, things are black and white.
Men are drawn to borderline personality traits in physically attractive women, study finds
In short, people with NPD might be described as being very self-absorbed or egotistical. This self-absorption rises to the level of a clinical disorder because it significantly interferes with relationships, couple or other important games in life. Many experts believe that this egotistical style is actually the NPD individual’s attempt to deal with an underlying borderline sense of narcissist-worth.
By: Damian Gadal. Borderline personality relationships — avoid, or maybe? The fact is that people with BPD are, well, people. Does that mean you should date someone with borderline personality disorder? That depends on you and the person with BPD. Yes, people with BPD share certain traits like impulsivity , emotional dsyregulation , paranoia, and fear of abandonment and rejection.
But beyond that they will have their own unique personality, interests, and values. And there is argument it is the latter that matters most. Relationships last not because we like the same music, or because one person does or does not have mental health issues. But because we are both driven by the same personal values. And maybe you are using his or her BPD as a way to avoid admitting to these other very real differences. By: SupportPDX. Does the other person really have borderline personality disorder?
10 Tips for Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
It is challenging to have a relationship with a person that has borderline personality disorder BPD , especially since one of the hallmarks of the disorder is unstable relationships. Yet, if your partner has the disorder, you probably want to do everything you can to maintain the relationship. While dating someone with borderline personality disorder may seem nearly impossible at times, there are ways you can facilitate the relationship with that person without having to go on the rollercoaster ride with them as they oscillate between extremes in behavior and mood.
And definitely don’t date someone with BPD who isn’t participating in regular therapy for it—either through group or one-on-one counseling.
Stephanie, of Jacksonville, Florida, has struggled with depression since she was a child. But in , her mental health took a turn for the worse and her mood swings started to create conflict with her husband, Jerome. At first, Stephanie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder , but when she found another doctor who took the time to complete a thorough evaluation, she learned the true culprit was borderline personality disorder BPD , which she was diagnosed with six months later.
Borderline personality disorder BPD is a mental illness that can cause affected individuals to have a negative self-image, make risky or impulsive choices, engage in self-harming behaviors, and have intense emotions and mood swings. It goes without saying that these symptoms can create a perfect storm for a tumultuous relationship that in some cases may prove destructive.
As of that month, the pair hadn’t confirmed the cause of their split. That fear of abandonment can lead people with BPD to mistrust their partner. A study published in the journal Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment found that after talking to their spouses about personal fears and possible reasons their relationship might end, women with BPD experienced a lower perception of trustworthiness in their spouse compared with women without BPD. The instability and unpredictability of the relationship itself can cause the partner without BPD to have trust issues as well.
For Stephanie, fear of abandonment was a familiar feeling from childhood. When she was a teenager, she says, her parents divorced, moved away, and left her and her brother on their own.